(This is an expanded version of a Linkedin post I wrote that had great engagement. I decided to develop a bit more so we can understand better and reflect some more.)
Transitions are a natural part of life, shaping not only who we are but also how we relate to those around us. As I celebrated my youngest daughter Carolina turning 18, I found myself reflecting deeply on the role of parenting—an experience that is, at its core, the ultimate mentoring journey.
Parenting goes far beyond the day-to-day responsibilities of ensuring a child’s well-being. It’s about creating an enduring legacy through the values we instill and the guidance we provide. From their earliest days, our children observe and absorb our behaviors, attitudes, and principles. These become the foundation of their identities and the compass by which they navigate the world.
Developmental psychologists like Erik Erikson have long emphasized the critical influence of parents in shaping a child’s psychosocial development. For instance, during adolescence, a stage Erikson defines as the struggle between identity and role confusion, parental support plays a pivotal role in helping young people explore and solidify their sense of self.
Parenting as mentoring also requires a delicate balance of being present without being overbearing. As Brené Brown highlights in her book Daring Greatly, effective parenting involves cultivating a space where children feel safe to express their vulnerabilities and grow into their authentic selves. This is no small task in a world that demands so much of them at increasingly younger ages.
By the time children reach adulthood, much of this “parental imprinting” is complete. Our set of values, sense of right and wrong, and the identities we’ve modeled have left an indelible mark. However, the relationship doesn’t end here. As mentors, we transition from being teachers to supporters, offering guidance only when sought. This shift reflects a deep respect for their autonomy, enabling them to make their own decisions while knowing they have a steadfast source of wisdom to lean on when needed.
As much as we shape our children, parenting is equally transformative for us. Every milestone our children reach invites us to reassess our own identities. When Carolina turned 18, I couldn’t help but marvel at how much I’ve grown alongside her and her sister. Their transitions—from toddlers to teens to young adults—have mirrored my own transitions as a parent and individual.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on the growth mindset underscores the importance of embracing change and seeing challenges as opportunities for personal development. This perspective is invaluable in parenting, where every phase comes with new questions, fears, and joys. It’s not just our children who are evolving; we, too, are constantly learning and adapting.
One significant growth area is the emotional adjustment that comes with milestones like children leaving for college or starting their careers. These moments often trigger a mix of pride, sadness, and reflection. They also create space for us to explore new roles and rediscover aspects of ourselves that may have taken a backseat during the active years of parenting.
Taking the time to feel and let all emotions settle is crucial. Sometimes life goes by so fast, every day comes with its own frenetic pace, we “don’t have the time” to stop and be mindful about what is actually going on. A tool that becomes handy is mindfulness, helping us gain that awareness of ourselves and what is surrounding us. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in the field, emphasizes the importance of being fully present in the moment. Mindfulness allows us to acknowledge and process the complex emotions that arise, from nostalgia to excitement, enabling us to approach change with grace and acceptance.
Parenting is not a one-way street; it’s a collaborative journey of growth and learning. As our children step into adulthood, they challenge us to reflect, adapt, and continue evolving. This shared journey reminds us that life is in constant motion, and each transition is an opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and our relationships.
Whether through the values we impart or the lessons we learn alongside them, our children help shape the legacy we leave behind. By embracing the role of mentor and student, we can navigate the tides of change with curiosity and compassion, making the journey as rewarding for us as it is for them.
If you are in the parenting journey, how have you lived this experience?
I love to read about your own journeys, they are always insightful and expansive.
